Week 49 - Writing Between the Lines

2 Dec - 8 Dec: Actions really do speak louder than words.

Sixty to eighty per cent of communication occurs through gestures, most of them borne from primitive instincts, so forget the dialogue, and hone your kinesiology skills.

"I've got this," (for I am big and strong).

"Look at me," (I have features of a good baby-maker).

Back in my managerial days, I considered myself somewhat of a body language expert. I read the hilarious books by Allan and Barbara Pease (check out Allan’s YouTube videos), and on my quieter days, I studied my colleagues to learn what they were really thinking.

Real Life Scenario #1:

My little-big-man supervisor, Barry, would always, without fail, take a seat in my office with his knees far apart and his hands behind his head. “I am big and powerful,” his body would scream while his mouth asked about the project, “and so are my genitals.” Barry would then offer his suggestions regarding the issues at hand, his fingers touching in a classic steeple gesture, confident that his way was the best way. When I offered an alternative viewpoint, Barry would swing his ankle onto the opposite knee, ready for an argument, and then rub his eye and look at the carpet. “I think it’s a good idea,” he would lie, “but stick with my approach for now.” While I pressed my point, Barry would perch himself on the front edge of the seat, his mind already in the HR Manager's office. “I hear you. I really do.”

Real Life Scenario #2:

Although Barbie was engaged to be married to Bert, whenever Ken was close by, Barbie would play with her hair (a lot), tilt her head to expose her neck, flip her hand to show the fine skin of her wrists, slip her shoe on and off her foot, and cross and uncross her legs. I would guess that she was ovulating if she went so far as to twist her foot around her calf muscle and hook it behind her opposite ankle, as men cannot physically do this.

I found body language an ally in the workplace - when feeling especially childish, I would call a stand-up meeting and study whose feet were pointing where to determine who liked who the most - but the wordless messages we send to people are universal, and so ingrained that it’s difficult to disguise them.

Try this exercise: Cross your arms (a negative, defensive gesture in warm places). Seventy per cent of people will fold left arm over right; now try unfolding and refolding your arms with the other arm on top.

This is relevant to nothing, but here are some interesting historical facts from Allan Pease:

·        Nodding originates from bowing, a sign of submission, or subordination, that is, an effort to appear smaller when intimidated. Tipping one's hat and its offspring, saluting, are off-shoots of the bowing gesture.

·       Shaking one’s head is an instinctive gesture that babies learn when they have had enough to eat.

·        Smiling is a teeth-baring gesture that says, ‘I am fierce and can hold my own. If you don’t mess with me, I won’t mess with you.’

·        Crossing arms instinctively protects the heart and lung area.

·         Men’s brains are wired for hunting food. Women’s brains are wired for bearing children and protecting the nest. This is why men are generally more spatially aware than women (run, throw rock, hit deer), and most woman can multi-task better than most men.

Exercise 95. Do your stories reflect an understanding of wordless communication?

Exercise 96. Do your stories reflect an understanding of the cerebral differences between men and women, that is, why men don't listen and women can't read maps (see Pease's lecture if you're not convinced).